Birth Story

Isabel was due May 3rd. That day came and went… My good friend had invited me to a Cinco de Mayo party a month before and I told her “I’m sorry, I hope I don’t make it to your party. I hope I am home with a newborn baby but if I’m still waiting, I’ll come.” So of course, May 7th, her Cinco de Mayo party comes around and I’m still pregnant... not exactly what I had pictured. I decide it will be good to get out of the house. So I got out of bed, got out of my PJs, got ready, pulled up my big girl panties and went to the party.

There was a smorgasbord of food and drinks, most of which was off limits for prego. I ate a salad and parked myself in the same chair the whole time. People commented that I looked uncomfortable and tired. It didn’t bother me. I was uncomfortable and tired. We were only there for an hour when I started to feel sick. We had to document that I made it to her party though, so we ran outside to photograph it. A few snaps, a hug, and Javi and I headed home.

Look at that bump! Not sure stripes are the best choice when you are that big.

As soon as we got home, my water broke.  I told Javi we need to call the hospital to see if we should go in.. He said “just wait, let me take a quick nap, we could be up all night.” Uhhh, no way Jose. We called and headed into the hospital. They confirmed that my water broke and that I was 4 cm dilated. It’s 5pm and we head to a laboring room.

The first nurse that I had was more than I could have ever wanted. I had pictured how I wanted my birth to go. Most women do, but I had spent a lot of time picturing it. I was afraid of being in labor for 18-24 hours and in the birthing class we took, they scared me away from having an epidural because it usually slows labor down. Since I was not planning on having the epidural, I needed to be prepared with how I would deal with pain and I did a lot of research. I brought a folder in my hospital bag of pain management techniques for each stage of labor. The first nurse I had seemed like a freakin doula. She was pulling out the essential oils, putting me in the bath, having me bounce on an exercise ball. By midnight, I was 10 cm and ready to push. Everything was going as planned. They called and had a pediatric nurse bring in the hospital bassinet cart and the other gadgets they would need for when new baby arrives.

That image of the bassinet cart is forever in my mind. The nurse brought it in and set it all up. There was a blanket and a hat. There was a light to warm the baby and a screen to monitor the baby. It was so surreal. In only a short amount of time, there would be a baby in that bassinet, under the light, our baby. How would it all happen? The time was almost here. It was like I could see my dream becoming a reality right in front of my eyes.

It didn’t happen that way. Isabel was not born for another 10 hours. At midnight my favorite nurse’s shift ended and my next nurse was the exact opposite of the first. It could have literally been her first day working solo in the labor and delivery wing… I labored for 6 hours, opted for the epidural as I ended up having back labor (probably because Isabel was backwards), and they gave me pitocin to speed up the contractions. The pitocin didn’t work. Isabel never dropped and 2 hours later a new nurse started her shift. At this point, they decided I was going to need a c-section. I had not planned for that. That was not in any of my research. I had not wanted it to end that way.

Luckily one of the doctors I had seen in the clinic, just the week prior, was working that morning. Almost crying, I said, I know I probably can’t pick my own doctor but do you think she could do the c-section? I got to have the doctor I wanted. That was a small win in my book. She came in and talked to us about how the c-section would work and why it needed to be that way. 10 minutes later we were prepping for the surgery.

As if it hadn’t already been a whirlwind, now I was going to have a c-section. Javi couldn’t come in for the first 5 minutes, so I was all alone. I started to cry. The anesthesiologists tried to cheer me up, making jokes about how he had a crush on his Spanish teach in high school. Finally Javi got to come in and I felt better. The c-section took so much longer than I would have thought. They got Isabel out and Javi went with her to clean her up and do all the tests. It was so awkward that I was just waiting there, still in surgery, with no updates…. Like hello, anyone want to let me in on how the baby is doing?!

They brought her over and laid her next to me. I felt terrible from all the drugs in my system. The sleep deprivation, I hadn’t eaten more than a salad in the last 20 hours. I was shaking, I felt nauseous. I asked them to take Isabel away. I needed to concentrate on myself and getting through this.

I don’t remember moving back to a regular room after the c-section. I don’t remember getting to hold Isabel for the first time. I wish I could remember those things but I have other memories of holding her those first few days. Isabel was born on Mother’s Day. Thank godness. If I had to spend Mother’s Day without my 5 day overdue baby, I would have been miserable. Javi asked every nurse that we had that day if they had kids and thanked them for spending their Mother’s Day taking care of his wife and his new baby. He was smitten with his little family. I was too.

An hour after, it didn’t matter that nothing went as I had planned out in my head. I soon found out that nothing with babies ever goes as planned. Her birth was a perfect introduction of how our life would be from here on out.

Weeks later, I kept replaying it in my head. I was disappointed that I had the epidural and that my body couldn’t birth Isabel “like it should have.” I wondered if I had done something wrong and I needed to grieve what had happened. It seems silly, both of us were healthy and I was so lucky to receive this amazing gift from God. You have so many emotions though after having a baby, you never know what you’ll feel.

Now almost 2 years later, writing this all out, I’ve already forgotten so much of our birth story and am so glad I took the chance to write it down. I have finally stopped wishing that my story had been different and accepted it just the way it was.